Daddy {Daycare}

Hands up who has had a moan about their husband/partner recently? ✋

A recent Instagram post by mother of all adventures {Our Men – see below} got me thinking.

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OUR MEN🌿 . After the extremely sad news heard this weekend, it’s prompted me to right this. Our men! They care for us , they take control, they work so very hard , they smile , they joke , they never look defeated, they are like superheroes to our children. When you think of men what do you think? We put a lot on to our men don’t we? We ask for the odd jobs to be done as soon as they get in from work and we ask for that expensive new sofa we wanted? We talk to them about how we are overwhelmed in motherhood and how we need a break some time to recharge and feel like us for a day? But let’s not forget our men? The men who have so sooooo much worry on their heads, money? Work , home ,children , not enjoying work , grieving a loss or a massive change, maybe just left the forces or gone through a break up? Let’s not forget our men need to talk , have a break, feel like themselves for a day or sit and cry to you , just like us ladies. Men don’t open up like us ? Maybe because we take all crying time? Let’s ask our men how they are a little bit more, let them know they have us and that they can tell us anything in the world !! We love our men!!!! .our young sons, let’s to talk them about talking and being op n with us, having a son heading to secondary this year, I pray he still talks so openly as he does today, never stop asking if they are okay. . DONT LET OUR MEN CARRY ANYTHING ALONE! #ourmen#dads#husbands #deppresion #sons#brothers#mensmentalhealth

A post shared by Jade Arif (@mother_ofall_adventures) on

Quite frankly Mr H drives me potty {!}

He can be is so annoying , knows how to press my buttons and delights in winding me up {can I get an amen}. After 13 years together you’d think I’d have him sussed but nope I still take the bate and get more wound up than a tangled slinky.

Mr H is not Mr Romantic. Remembering anniversaries and birthdays and lavishing gifts is not his thing. He’s more of a “I bought you two cans of Rio because I know you love it” rather than a “look darling I’ve booked a weekend away in Paris” kinda guy. And you know what that’s ok by me {I do love a can of Rio with my chicken shish kebab}.

He’s not a morning person and his first response to most things before 10am {aka coffee and something to eat} is no. You have to pick the timing of requests or general conversations carefully if you want to get a positive response.

His parenting style is very different to mine. He’s quick to anger but also quick to forgive and forget. He’s all bark and no bite. He will play with the kids for hours. Putting in quality time over housework. I’m definitely guilty of coming in from work and seeing the house turned upside down before seeing happy children.

I see him sitting on his phone whilst I sort breakfast, the washing, getting everyone dressed and bags packed for the day when actually he stayed up late to pre-cook tonight’s dinner so we can eat as soon as we’re home {and did the washing up}.

I see an untidy house when he sees a home {and he sees a poorly organised fridge when I see somewhere to shove food}.

I see unsociable when he’s actually fiercely private.

I see lack of family time when he’s working all hours to provide.

I wish for weekends away when he carries our financial burden.

I see nit picking when he’s just trying to have an input.

I expect him to read my mind, understand what I want and preempt my mood. When actually a simple request for help or to say I’m not feeling great would give him a heads up and the opportunity to step in.

He’s loyal, kind, generous and has stood by and supported me through everything life has to throw at us. And I him.

He’s changed his life to suit us. He chose family over a social life. Sometimes I wonder if {and actually know that} I’ve tamed him too much. He has a wild spirit and adventurous heart whereas I’m naturally cautious and risk averse. But as he reminds me, he chose to change.

He trusts me without question. He has never said I can’t do something, go out, spend money. He has never tried to tame my independence. If I told him I was going away for a week with the girls he wouldn’t bat an eyelid. He’d probably forget I was going but he’d never question it or ask me not to go.

We are so different in so many ways

He’s figuring it out like the rest of us.

He drives me mad but my goodness that man makes me laugh, makes me feel safe, loved and desired and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

He works hard to provide for us and ensure we want for nothing.

I’m guilty of putting my own mental health before his. Forgetting that he also needs the opportunity to take some time out, offload and feel supported.

Daddy Daycare 2 - A Life Twintastic

My boys have the best role {with some tweaking from mum} and are being raised as gentlemen {who can probably pack a punch}.  They are loud. They are grumpy. They are kind. They are fiercely protective of each other and of us. “Mummy I’ll come with you to look after you.” “Mummy hold my hand and I’ll help you.” “My favourite part of today was daddy chasing me with a baby dragon” {aka Penny}.

I read a comment on a post about someone’s dislike of the use of the term “daddy daycare”. A phase I use all the time. Not because he’s “babysitting” but because in our personal case I’ve taken maternity leave {as opposed to shared paternity} and have taken on the bulk of childcare before going back to work at which time we will share it. I am also a bit of a control freak and like to take on the role of family organiser. Not because he is any less a parent but because that’s what I’m good at and enjoy.

I get up to the baby in the night because I chose to do so. If {heaven forbid} I got hit by a bus he’d be fine. So yes I use the phase “daddy daycare” and will continue to do so, as a lighthearted name for the day’s daddy goes it alone. When we’re both home we both parent. The fact of the matter is he works longer hours than me and therefore I am home more. If it was the other way around we’d call it “mummy daycare”. {Was that ranting? It felt like a rant, my bad}.

Anyway it’s now 5am and I’ve been nursing P since 3am so should probably try to get some sleep. Between us I think we’re doing ok.

 

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